A New Olympic Event
Grocery shopping with more than 1 child should be an Olympic event. I just completed my large grocery trip for the month with my 2 children in tow, and I feel like I just finished a tri-athelon. I’m physically, mentally, and discipline-ally exhausted. It takes some serious physical strength and skill to be able to maneuver a cart one-armed through the ever decreasing aisle space. I say “one-armed” b/c usually about 30 min. into the trip, my 4 mon old decides he has had enough of sitting in his carseat and wails until I carry him through the rest of the store. Trying to figure out which brand is the cheapest and if I’ll be able to deal with the quality of that cheap-o brand for every item I buy is like mental gymnastics all the while making sure my 2 yr old isn’t pulling things off the shelves (those glass soda bottles are sooo pretty – yes, they still make them!), isn’t putting extra things in the cart, and is staying close to Mommy. But this shopping trip was like a trip to heaven compared to June’s big trip. After arriving home from that trip, I vowed never to take 2 children shopping again. After telling a friend some of the details, she was laughing hysterically and telling me to write it down… so here it is.
I pulled into the parking lot of our local grocery store – parked 1 space away from the cart return, hopefully creating a buffer zone large enough to avoid any run away carts, yet close enough to let the children sit in the car while I return the cart after unloading the groceries. I walked over to the cart return and put Twinkle Toes (my 2 yr. old daughter who walks on her tip toes almost wherever she goes) into the back of a cart. Frog Legs (my 4 mon old son who is eternally “jumping”) who was still in his carseat, went in the front basket. I thought I was brilliant – getting Twinkle Toes into a cart before we rolled past the “car carts,” which she is eternally begging me to use.
I did once. I gave into her whining, hoping it would keep her occupied and I would be able to charge through the store w/o a backward glance. I pushed that Lincoln-Navigator-Limousine-of-a-cart through the store, bumping into pratically everything, and almost beheading Twinkle Toes when she stuck her head out the window of the car unexpectantly; and I vowed I would never do it again – especially since it did not keep her anymore occupied than a regular cart. Twinkle Toes, however, loved it. So I thought I was pretty smart to already have her nicely situated in a regular cart before seeing those blasted car-carts. However, Twinkle Toes did not appreciate my brilliance and started throwing one of her embarassing fits as soon as she saw the car-carts lined up nicely right by the store entrance just calling her name. Thank the Lord for the calming effect of graham crackers which promptly ended the fit! We made it through the produce section w/o making any more of a scene.
Next stop – the pharmacy, which I hate at this particular store. The only other time I used this pharmacy was when Twinkle Toes had pink eye over a year ago. The pharmacist called her a “boy” even though she was wearing a purple dress and had a barette in her hair, entered her information incorrectly into the computer, gave us the wrong drug form – drops instead of a cream which I didn’t notice until I was already home, told me to come back to get the cream and didn’t have it available when I came back. Finally he did not offer me any compensation for the mix-up when I returned the THIRD time to finally get the cream – so much for customer service. But I continue to shop at this store, so using their pharmacy is only common sense. On this day the pharmacy technician looked like she had just bitten into a pignut and certainly didn’t act any better. I probably didn’t look much better either as Frog Legs began to let his disatisfaction with his carseat incarceration be known while I was trying to talk to Pignut Lady about my prescription. Thus began my one-armed steering for the rest of the shopping experience. The next couple of minutes actually progressed relatively normally other than the strain of one-armed cart steering. When I returned to pick up my prescription, I was pleased to find there were no obvious mistakes.
About this time, Twinkle Toes began to get upset with her own incarceration in the back of the cart. Time to walk, and so began my never ending montra of “Come on Twinkle Toes.” “Stay close to Mommy.” “Put that down.” “Walk!” “Either you walk, or I’ll have to help you.” … and so on. With my attention split between Twinkle Toes, Frog Legs, my one-armed steering and actually trying to shop, I really wasn’t surprised when my cart bumped into the corner of a fruit snacks display and fruit snacks boxes went flying in every direction. Actually upon further investigation, I realized the bottom corner of the display had a huge crease in it, leaving me to believe that many a cart had made contact with it before I did. Anyway, there were fruit snacks boxes everywhere. As I threw them onto the display any which way I could get them to stay, I noticed a store employee not 10 feet away from me stocking pencils. Are you SERIOUS? I’m trying to restack this display one-handed and keep Twinkle Toes from undoing what I already righted, and here the person who should be bending over backwards to make my shopping experience as pleasurable as possible is totally ignoring the fact that I’m breaking into a sweat b/c of a poorly placed display. (If you are sweating in grocery store, you’re doing some serious work since the temperature in most grocery stores is usually around 50 degrees.) I finally got all the boxes back on the display as hapharzardly as I possibly could so that at least the restocking staff could benefit from my misery, and after casting the employee the most disgusted look I could muster which she didn’t seem to notice, continued on with my shoping toward the freezer section… almost finished.
I only had 3 more items to go, when I heard “Will Mrs. Natalie M. please come to the pharmacy.” “Great,” I thought. “What did they screw up this time?” Well I wasn’t about to go dragging Twinkle Toes to the pharmacy on other side of the store, only to have to drag her back to the freezer section to finish shopping – that alone would take another 20 minutes. So I took my good ol’ time and figured they could wait on ME this time. Finally finished and proceeded to the pharmacy counter. Pignut Lady was at the counter and also the appearance of the incompetent pharmacist who had screwed up Twinkle Toes’s earlier prescription made my blood boil. “What did he do this time?” I growled to myself. “Mrs. M,” said Pignut Lady with a semi-smile on her face, “You forgot your wallet.” And she handed me my wallet with a grin that made me want to leave my cart right there and walk out. “Guess you won’t get very far without it,” she added. “I would if I left my cart right here and let someone else put it all back,” I thought. I looked down – Frog Legs had finally fallen asleep in my arm which was in a permanent crook, not to mention the shooting pain in my shoulder, for which I’m sure I’ll need another prescription.
Time to pay – I was never so glad to hand over my money to a total stranger in my life. Of course, in order to unload my cart, I had to put Frog Legs back into his carseat which woke him up and the crying commenced once again and began escalating to a wail. Leave it to me to choose the cashier who believes she is “The Baby Whisperer.” After ringing up about 5 items she would stop and try to calm Frog Legs down by talking to him. If all I had to do to get Frog Legs to be quiet was talk to him, don’t you think I’d be doing it already?
Finally on the home stretch, I’m ready to sprint through the parking lot for the car, but first we have to get by the car-carts again. Twinkle Toes, who is now tired and getting hungry as well, sees them too, and her emotions go into overdrive as another fit begins, which ends in another round of one-armed steering as I carry her and push the cart out to the car. With Twinkle Toes and Frog Legs both safely crying their eyes out in the backseat of the car, I load the groceries into the back of our station wagon and return the cart. Home at last, Frog Legs fed and Twinkle Toes occupied with a book, I search for my favorite water bottle, the only one out of the 4 I have that doesn’t drip water every time I take a drink. After several minutes of searching, I realize it’s still in the cart sitting in the cart return… and that will be its final resting place, another victim of the day.
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